Many years ago, I believed in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and that there was a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow. I believed that there really was a tooth fairy and that we all had invisible friends and that Alladin's lamp certainly did exist.

I also believed that for every person who lived on earth, a perfect mate existed somewhere... waiting. Sad to say, but as I have grown older and perhaps a little wiser, I have laid to rest some of these beliefs because I have been told that my childhood beliefs and dreams were simply not logical or practical.

Yet as I look back over my life, I know now as I knew then that true love does exist. Soulmates do exist!! It is surely not an easy theory to prove. For the better part of my life I have been seeking information about true love.

I have interviewed gurus, psychics, doctors, lawyers, men and women from all walks of life, and I have asked the same questions: Does true love exist, and can you prove it? About eight out of ten people whom I had interviewed claimed that they had met their true love. Some people referred to their perfect mate as their soulmate, Twin Flame, Twin Soul. Each person shared with me his or her views and opinions.

I have taken this information and combined it with my own material that I have researched and have tried to put on paper my views as well as those of the people who have made this publication possible. Gathering information for this report was difficult, to say the least. It was like creating a giant mosaic... one stone at a time. I have relied heavily on the thousands of letters written to me over the years. These letters confirm my beliefs.

Many of my clients have become my friends and have been kind enough to keep me updated as to what is going on in their lives. I am asked questions concerning health, travel, career, finances ­ questions that need to be answered. It may surprise you to know that the majority of questions that I receive are questions on love and relationships.

Of the many needs that we all experience ­ the need to have good health, the need to be happy in our career, the need to make a lot of money ­ for the majority of us the need to be loved seems to be the strongest need that we encounter.

Most of us have experienced many different kinds of love: our very first puppy love as a young child, our first teenage crush, the love of our parents, the infatuation that we thought was true love, the love for the person who was much younger or much older, the love for the married person, the love for the person who was of a different skin color, the unrequited love for the person who never knew our true feelings.

You may have experienced the destructive love, the love-hate relationship. There are many vastly different kinds of love, but still called LOVE. In the following pages I shall speak primarily of the soulmate love. The purpose of this report is to enlighten and guide you. If I have upset any apple carts or have forced anyone to reexamine his or her present relationship, I have fulfilled my purpose.

True love does exist... yes, you must search for it. Common sense dictates that if you search for your soulmate you may win. But not to search at all is surely a sin. Let me begin by saying that I have definite views concerning soulmates. I should add that my opinions are based solely on my own experiences rather than something I have read in a book.

There does not appear to be a great deal of information available on the subject and what is available would lead you to believe that a soulmate has to be a member of the opposite sex and that there has to be a romantic connection between these two people. I disagree with this concept.

I feel that a soulmate can be of the same sex, can be either living or dead, young or old. I believe that a person who is a soulmate would inspire you, would point out a new direction in your life, would be a mentor, a teacher, a guide and, in some cases, your lover.

Many young children grow into adulthood with dreams and goals instilled in them by a father, mother, grandfather or grandmother. So, in a sense, these relationships could be considered soulmate relationships. Someone who is now deceased who had a major influence on your life would also fit into the same category.

The most difficult concept for the general public to understand is that there can be an intense relationship without romantic involvement. I will assume, however, that the majority of readers are interested in their romantic soulmate or their spiritual counterpart, so I will attempt to answer the most commonly asked questions.

What is a romantic soulmate?

A person who can make your heartbeat faster, raise your blood pressure, turn your knees to jelly or make you catch your breath. Someone who has an instantaneous and overwhelming effect on you. Someone who may experience a totally different lifestyle or religious background from you, but whom you feel destined to be with. A soulmate is one who can lessen your burdens with a simple glance or a single word.

Upon meeting this person, there is a feeling of instant kinship and your life will never be the same. A soulmate can be a person who makes you feel beautiful inside as well as outside. Someone who touches you so deeply on many different levels that you feel the desire to reveal your innermost thoughts and fears to this person.

What is their age?

There usually will be a distinct difference in age, anywhere from 7 to 37 years, with no apparent problems. Not being of the same age or close to one's own age never appears to be an issue, nor does it lessen the mutual romantic feelings. I am aware of many relationships in which one partner is decades older than the other and the age difference actually strengthens the relationship.

When will I meet them?

You will meet your soulmate when you least expect to. For example, if you are a night person, don't expect to meet him or her at night! An unexpected daytime meeting will most likely occur. If you are a day person, a nighttime meeting might occur. The key word is spontaneity, so the long planned trip or cruise may produce a compatible mate but not necessarily a soulmate.

Will I be compatible?

There will be an inner knowing or a sixth sense that this is to be a profound sexual and spiritual experience. As a matter of fact, before any intimacy takes place, you will experience the feeling that at some previous time you had already been with this person.

Consequently, if your normal social behavior during the initial stages of a relationship might continue for three to six months before an intimate relationship develops, with a soulmate it would normally occur by the third meeting, and more often than not, on the initial meeting.

From the very beginning, you will experience a profound empathy and compassion for this person. You will voluntarily let your guard down. You will feel as safe as if you had entered an extraordinary comfort zone where it is not necessary to play mind games or word games. You knowingly strip away any defenses you have created around yourself.

How can I find my soulmate?

You will most often find your soulmate later in life after you have suffered the pain of divorce, rejection or abandonment. It seems that you often have to first experience prior relationships that fail before you will experience the right one. Also one's soulmate could appear after the death of a beloved spouse or partner.

Do we all have a soulmate?

I believe we all have a soulmate. Yet, through compromises we make, some of us may never experience our true love.

What can I expect?

Your mate will help you to improve your self-esteem and material wealth, decrease the negativity in your thoughts. and give a new meaning to the words 'fidelity, honesty and trust.'

Will I marry my soulmate?

A soulmate experience is much more than a relationship or an affair. Normally you will experience marriage or a form of marriage.

Am I ready for a soulmate?

The answer to this question is 'yes' if you are presently searching for true love.

Does a soulmate relationship always have a happy ending?

I am not aware of any true soulmate relationship that end in divorce.

How do I know for sure if I am with my soulmate now?

If, in your current relationship, you ask yourself the following questions, then you are not in a soulmate relationship: How long will I stay with this person? Will my mate ever change his/her negative ways? Is my mate faithful? Will my mate mellow with age? Can I expect positive changes with this person? Why do I allow this person to manipulate and control me? Am I strong enough to leave this person? Why do I feel alone when I am with this person? Can I survive alone? Will I ever find true love? Do I possess the strength to change my life? Why did I become involved with this person in the first place? Is this person the cause of my depression? If I stay with this person, will I ever be happy?

In any philosophy there is always an opposite philosophy. A soulmate should be considered a positive force in one's life. The negative force, then, would be considered a 'cellmate.' If you feel trapped in a relationship, if you sense hostility or distance from your mate, if you feel a lack of attention, respect or support, if you feel alone, it would seem that you are not experiencing the proper relationship. If you ask yourself the question, "Am I with my soulmate now?" It is the same as asking yourself, "Am I in love now?" If you have to ask the question, the answer is quite obvious.

Even those who feel they are in a soulmate relationship will admit that their relationship is not perfect. There will still be disagreements, different philosophies, political polarity, etc., but these differences will be on the surface and will not have a debilitating effect on either one of you. I suppose that the major difference between a 'soulmate' and a 'cellmate' is that you will always know by your own feelings which one you have!

In conclusion, let me say that the ideal relationship is never easy to achieve. Sometimes the search may take a lifetime. Yet the rewards are so great you must never give up your quest.

May my words guide the seeker of a soulmate in the right direction, and guide the person in a cellmate relationship to the light at the end of the tunnel! Unlike many metaphysical topics, soulmates are difficult to research. You cannot go to the local bookstore or library and lay your hands on information about soulmates. And I have hesitated to write on soulmates for several years simply because I was unable to research this elusive subject.

Consequently, my findings are simply that ­ my findings. My views are likely to be different from those of others. Yet the purpose of this booklet is not to convince you of a new philosophy, but rather to share with you some information that others will have the opportunity of researching.

A major concern in people's lives is their ongoing search for a soulmate. For this reason, I shall focus on the romantic soulmate relationship. Often I am guilty of using words that I assume most readers are familiar with. So, rather than continue to assume, I will share with you some basic definitions: Soul ­ the spirit in man or woman that is distinct from the body and is the source of a person's emotional, spiritual and moral nature.

Cell ­ a prison or a small room; a unit of independent function; a central nucleus surrounded by a rigid wall.

Soulmates ­ two people who, when together, experience an emotional, spiritual and moral tranquility. A union of hearts as well as souls. A marriage of minds as well as bodies.

Cellmates ­ two people who, when together, experience a lack of emotional, spiritual and moral tranquility. A negative relationship.

Most of us are fortunate enough to be blessed with our five senses. A soulmate relationship affects all of these and our sixth sense as well.


Much has been written about love at first sight, and nothing could be more accurate! You just know at first glance that this person will play a meaningful role in your life. Many times my clients will confide: "I knew it was him from the first moment I laid eyes on him." "There was a sparkle in his eyes and I felt it was just meant for me." "From the very beginning, we only had eyes for each other." The eyes are the window of the soul!


You must feel an empathy for the person's voice. Many women have fallen in love with a man simply by listening to his voice and before actually meeting him!


Have you ever scuffed your feet on a thick carpet and then experienced static electricity on your fingertips? It can also occur with your soulmate. Holding hands, touching your shoulder, or accidentally brushing against you will give you a sensation of being zapped. This feeling doesn't go on forever, but in the initial stages of the relationship, it can be quite 'shocking.'


Has the pleasant aroma of someone smoking a pipe ever caused you to turn your head and observe the smoker? Have you ever been captivated by a man's after shave lotion or a woman's cologne? In the animal kingdom, the male of the species is always aware if the female is interested in him by his sense of smell. And so it goes with humans. If you like the smell of a person, it is usually a good sign. On the other hand, I have a client who divorced her husband of one year simply because she could not stand the smell of him!


You may have noticed that people enjoy kissing each other. It's a custom eagerly practiced all over the globe. There's a very close association between the senses of smell and taste which is very obvious when it involves food, but very subtle when perceived in other ways. In fact, it is so subtle that most people are not even conscious of it, particularly when it involves relationships. With a soulmate, one kiss is guaranteed to keep you coming back for more. One person described it as being like an 'addiction.' You'll know when you kiss if it's right, even if it's just a quick kiss on the cheek. The old song 'Kisses Sweeter Than Wine' tells it all.

Sixth sense

We are told that we all have it. It is called a gut instinct, our first intuitive thought, feeling of knowing; it is said that our first impression is a lasting impression. A romantic soulmate will possess the power to awaken your sixth sense. In fact all of your senses will experience new heightened awareness.

I am sure you all have heard the expression 'A picture is worth a thousand words.' There is a definite analogy here. So be advised that a soulmate relationship can grow with little or no dialogue. There will be nonverbal communication, body language, subliminal cueing or cold reading, synchronicity of thought without the need of extensive dialogue.

Yet, you will still be in sync with each other. What you may also sense about you soulmate is that he or she would be there for you at any time, day or night, that he or she comprehends your struggles, your sacrifices and fears, without your verbalizing them. You will be shown a degree of empathy and compassion you have not experienced with others.

Another interesting note is that it is not uncommon to have a precognitive dream in vivid detail of this person long before you meet. In this dream, you may know the name, age, zodiac sign, physical appearance, and much more information that is not scientifically possible for you to have. And the person in this dream may be quite different from your expected potential mate.

One characteristic of a soulmate relationship is the intensity between the people involved. It is difficult for me to describe, but take a moment and think about loving someone one hundred times stronger than anyone you have ever loved. Conversely, when there are disagreements, they are likely to be of equal intensity!

As I have mentioned before, you may find your soulmate after you have suffered the pain of divorce, rejection, bereavement, or abandonment. Certainly, everyone does not have to experience a loss before true love, yet it seems more the rule, than the exception.

It is said that when the student is ready, the teacher shall appear. I say when the 'cellmate' is ready, the 'soulmate' shall appear. At one time or another in our existence, we all play the role of soulmate and cellmate.

I would like to share with you some further insights into a cellmate relationship. The relationship will probably not remedy itself. Change will not occur until at least one party has the courage to act. Desire for change is not enough. A plan of action is necessary. If you look back over this person's behavioral patterns relative to your own, you can simply view them as harbingers of things to come.

Most cellmate relationships experience unhappy endings. The passage of time may modify a person's negative behavior, but it can't reverse it. A sad fact about this type of relationship is that on some level, you have allowed it to be born and to grow.

In a perfect world inhabited by people who would only experience true happiness and love, with excellent physical and emotional health, and no need of material things, life indeed would be perfect.

Unfortunately, life as we know it is a challenge to survive mentally, physically, spiritually, and more often than not, financially. In our imperfect world, when a person has a toothache, he visits a dentist. With a broken arm, he goes to a doctor. When a person experiences financial problems, he consults his banker or stockbroker. In a sense, for whatever ails us, real or imagined, we can usually look through the Yellow Pages of the phone book to find a person who advertises a cure or a balm ­ except in affairs of the heart!

I believe that for every one of us, there exists a perfect mate, generally referred to as a soulmate. I think most people feel they have a soulmate out there somewhere, but do not know how to find this person. The purpose of my words is to help you in your journey to soulmate enlightenment, but it will not be an easy journey. I believe we are fated to be with our perfect mate, yet many of you who read these words know you are in the wrong relationship. And I certainly do not want to cause breakups or divorces by my advice!

One major problem is that if you are presently in a negative or cellmate relationship, you probably lack the time and energy to pursue another relationship. How often have I heard the words, "The devil you know is better than the devil you don't know." Or "I don't want to jump from the frying pan into the fire."

I find it interesting that the people who are most intent on discovering a future soulmate are presently in a negative relationship. Now a negative or cellmate relationship does not have to mean that you are a victim of an abusive mate or that you are living with an alcoholic or a drug abuser.

It may mean that you have entered into a 'comfort zone' where it is easier to follow the path of least resistance than to change. Nobody wants to be alone. Yet, in order to discover a new relationship, you have to cut the cord to an old relationship.

Time factor

The time factor seems to be the major concern in soulmate relationships. If, in fact, we are fated to be with our true love, if within every breath we take, we have the profound knowledge that we will find our true love, if our dreams and fantasies hint at a new love, if psychics and channelers predict we will find our mate, why then can't we be afforded the luxury of knowing exactly when this supernatural delight will make itself known?

My files indicate that potential mates have sometimes waited decades to be together, while others have become totally committed to each other after a few short weeks. One human error in judgment put upon us by philosophers and New Age practitioners is that we must simply sit back and wait. If it is to be a karmic relationship, there is nothing for us to do but to wait. I agree with most of this philosophy. Yet, I think we can give ourselves the edge by making things happen instead of waiting for things to happen.

A soulmate can usually 'recognize' another soulmate. I'm led to believe that the person's eyes are of significant importance. After reading several hundred letters from clients talking about their soulmates, I note that the eyes of their mates are always prominently mentioned. I have often wondered why a person does not simply take out a classified ad, advertising for their soulmate. As ridiculous as it sounds, the statistical odds would be in favor of finding someone better for them than a cellmate!

There seems to be a gray area between cellmate and soulmate: a relationship that is neither excellent nor poor. It is a relationship in which the person is loved, has enjoyable sex, conversation, and mutual interests. Yet there seems to be a void, or an emptiness, that the other person cannot fill.

Many years may be invested in this relationship before one has the courage to address the situation and move on. At one time or another we have all compromised our ideals by going along with the problem, using subjective thinking to soften objective realities. None of us wants to take a gamble or risk being alone even temporarily. We fear that we would be left vulnerable, alone, unloved, and that we could not survive disappointing relationships.

I think statistics would bear me out that there are more gray relationships than either cellmate or soulmate varieties. I suppose everything depends on how much faith you have, not in fate or destiny, but in yourself. I am reminded of a woman who, after experiencing a divorce, moved back with her young daughter to her parents' house.

This woman was attractive, intelligent, and had many potential relationships. Yet she waited for seven years before she felt confident enough to commit to another marriage. This woman had the courage and conviction that she would not settle for second best. Most of us would have much to learn from this woman's philosophy. Nobody likes returning home to their parents, regardless of how welcome they are. Regardless of whose fault the divorce is, it still indicates failure.

Of course, the easiest solution is to say "yes" to the first person who asks for your hand or for the key to your apartment, hoping that by saying "yes" all of your problems will vanish and you'll be given another chance at love. It takes a special person to wait, endure frustrations, financial problems, and single parenthood, with a will strong enough not to compromise. This particular woman met her soulmate and reaped the benefits of everlasting love by having patience and not saying "yes" prematurely.

We shall all meet an interim mate whom we know is not our soulmate, yet it is a comfortable relationship. I think this type of relationship is necessary. It helps bridge the gap between past and future. It will not be a debilitating relationship as long as each person is aware that it is a 'for now' relationship.

It has always puzzled me that in every relationship I have counseled over the years, the intensity of one partner's feelings is always stronger than the other mate's feelings. I am probably going out on a limb by making this next statement, but I think it is a viable one. Even in the ultimate soulmate relationship, each person may be unable to give everything that the other person needs.

I once knew a woman who was madly in love witha man and admitted her love to him over and over, but said there was another man in her life who gave her things he was unable to give her. This bothered me for a long time because I felt soulmates had to be all things to each other. Yet after thinking about it a great deal, this person's philosophy was probably correct.

Remember, whatever relationship you are in, if you are not happy, try to change it. And if you are unable to change it, at least you have tried. Give the best you are capable of giving, for in the final analysis, on the day of reckoning we shall each be held accountable for our past behavior in relationships. I'd like to tell you three stories...

The time is 1980. John is a 47-year old divorced freelance writer, living comfortably in Massachusetts. John is considered handsome, in excellent health, works out occasionally, and, when not writing, likes to make handcrafted jewelry. He has been enjoying a predictable but lonely existence. He writes articles for various magazines and newspapers, has travelled here and abroad, but has been unable to find a lasting relationship.

One day John was asked to write an article on pollution in our environment. The day the article appeared, a man was waiting for a connecting flight to Norfolk, Virginia. He stopped at a newsstand in Logan Airport, purchased a newspaper, enjoyed John's article, and passed it on to his sister Anne to read.

Anne is a very attractive government worker. She is well-grounded and a basic one-man type woman. Anne read John's article, was impressed by it, and decided to contact John to express her views on the subject. This beautiful divorced woman, mother of a little girl, was in a very good relationship at the time and was not actively looking for a new man in her life.

After contacting John and commenting on the article, they exchanged several letters and phone calls. There was an instant rapport between them, so they decided to meet in the near future. Six weeks later Anne was visiting a girlfriend in New York City. Coincidentally, John was attending a seminar there that very same weekend.

John never cared for New York City and would do whatever possible to avoid spending time there. The one and only reason Anne agreed to meet John there was that several years previously a psychic had told her she would meet her soulmate in New York City! His name would begin with the letter 'J' and he would be involved in selling or making jewelry.

Anne and John met in person four months after their initial contact. They seemed to be 'in sync' from the very beginning, feeling as though they had known each other for years and years. After cocktails, a lobster dinner and a horse and buggy ride around Central Park, in spite of the fact that there was an intense chemistry between them, they pretty much agreed their lifestyles were so different that nothing would come of their meeting.

Anne stated that she would probably stay in her present relationship and marry this man because he was attractive, intelligent, and obviously worshipped her. John said he probably would continue drifting and failing in relationships but that he and Anne could probably be close friends for a long period of time. Anne said that she had no desire to be anyone's weekend playmate.

After dinner, dancing, and lovemaking, they decided on parting because, after all, there was a significant age difference, geographic distance, as well as ethnic difference, to mention only a few. However, their first meeting in New York was so intense and elicited such profound feelings, they decided to keep in touch.

They made a date to meet two years later in Central Park. They each agreed that if anything were to develop further between them, the two-year time frame would enable each of them to get their lives in order.

Both Anne and John were adamant on one point: that regardless of love, John would never leave Massachusetts and Anne would never leave Virginia. Two years to the day after their first meeting, they enjoyed champagne, dinner and dancing, and a ride around Central Park.

Everything they experienced at their initial meeting, they repeated two years later. But this time, John slipped an engagement ring into Anne's glass of champagne. Today they are married and appear to be happy beyond belief... and live in Virginia!

Another story...

The time is 1979. Karen, an attractive, 37-year-old executive secretary, is working in Atlanta, Georgia. One failed marriage behind her and always seeking Mr. Right, she'd always fallen short of the mark. Karen has a certain magnetism that men find very appealing.

Unfortunately, the type of men Karen magnetized were drawn to her looks and her body but not her mind; there were many short-term relationships that were intense in the initial stages, but after the novelty wore off, Karen would become bored and move on to someone else. Karen was always in search of her soulmate. She was tired of shadow relationships. Unwilling to go through life alone, Karen decided on a desperate move. She had grown tired of living in Georgia, tired of blind dates and computerized dating services.

Karen decided to answer an ad in a West Coast New Age newspaper. She had always felt that she could be happy in California, so she looked through the personals of this newspaper, seeking ads from California. She looked for someone normal who felt good about himself. Someone who was searching for an equal, not someone to mother him.

A person who was not a substance abuser or bitter about his life. Correspondence to ads placed in this newspaper were routed through the newspaper and then on to the persons placing or answering the ad. Well, Karen responded to several ads, all from Western states. One was from California.

The ad had been placed by Bill, a man who seemed to be ideal for various reasons. Karen did not respond to this ad for about a month. Eventually she did respond, and two months passed with no reply. Then one day she received a call from Bill.

He was in Georgia. In fact, he had always been in Georgia: the newspaper had incorrectly listed his state as 'CA' instead of 'GA!' It is interesting to note that if Bill's correct address (GA) had been listed, Karen would never have responded. So a simple typographical error brought Bill and Karen together. They had a whirlwind romance, married within three months of meeting, and are still happily married today.

One more...

The time is May, 1947. Joseph, a strong-minded Italian barber, was born in this country and raised in Sicily. He then returned to the United States to seek his fortune. Joe always thought that he would have to return to his homeland to find a wife and bring her back here, settle down and begin raising a family. Joe was not impressed with the women he met here.
He had set certain standards for his potential soulmate. She must be young, beautiful, and have strong moral and spiritual values. She must be Italian and want a large family. Joe also wanted a woman whose personality would balance out his sometimes quick temper and outspoken ways.

The night before he was to leave for Sicily, he stopped by a friend's house to pick up some small gifts to be delivered by him when he arrived in the Old Country. Joe was greeted by Carmela, a beautiful, young, Italian girl who made him feel comfortable and who could make him laugh easily. Joe and Carmela chatted for a while and talked as if they had always known each other.

As the evening drew to a close, Joe decided to cancel his trip to Sicily and, with a twinkle in his eye, stated that he wanted to begin courting Carmela.

Joe would arrive each evening with a fresh gardenia and a box of chocolates, much to the delight of the neighborhood children who would cheer him on as he approached Carmela's door. Joe would make sure his hair was combed and his shoes were shined. He would take a deep breath and ring the bell. From the very first meeting, Joe wanted to impress this woman. And he found out very quickly that she didn't impress easily. They would hold hands and talk each evening about their dreams.

It was obvious from the beginning that they were quite taken with one another. Joe liked Carmela's independence and the easy way she brought a smile to his lips. The courtship blossomed. After only 19 days, Joe proposed and Carmela accepted.

They met May 10, 1947, became engaged May 29, 1947, and were married June 29, 1947. That's what you call a whirlwind romance! This marriage lasted for almost 40 years and produced five beautiful daughters.

Not all marriages are made in heaven, but I have to believe this one was. Joe and Carmela were totally devoted to each other all those years. He always referred to her as "my Carmela." But God summoned Joseph in August, 1986. I'm sure even today Joe still has the twinkle in his eye that Carmela put there.

Reading about these relationships should prove beyond all doubt that soulmates do exist. What I have tried to give you is something against which you may gauge your present relationship. There is hope for all who are seekers of true love. As long as you continue to hope and dream, and never compromise or give up on yourself, your life can change in an instant.


Hopefully my words have inspired some to take a long hard look at their lifestyles and, more specifically, their present mate. To those of you who have discovered your soulmate, my words have only validated what you already know. For those of you who are presently in an interim relationship, if it is comfortable, you may wish to stay in it and not undertake any new romantic challenges in life.

To those who are in a totally negative relationship I say to you, that it will probably never change. It is commonplace to be predictable, to hang in there, to think that some day things will change.

To sit back and wait for change to occur. It may be a very long wait! I have tried to give you a path to follow. As you travel along this path, you may stumble and fall a few times, but it's important to pick yourself up and continue your journey.

I suppose that if I were to give one piece of advise to those who are in a hopeless cellmate situation it would be this: By your actions and moods you are known very well by your mate. Your mate knows what strings to pull and what buttons to push.

What you will compromise on and what you will not. If there are to be any positive changes in your situation, YOU will be the one to effect them.